Things started tonight, when I was kind of ignoring my son to play with him. My wife immediately complained that I didn’t spend enough with my son, and said I should be more generous with my son. From my point of the view, I spend a lot of time and much more willing to make sacrifices with my wife, because I know I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her. And there are plenty of “return” with my “investment”. But with my son, I know all the time I have with him is 18 years, and then I expect nothing in return from my son. That is, if I did my job correctly. I fully acknowledge that I don’t want to invest as much in my son as in my wife.

She also mentioned that she often don’t realize that she was being extra nice to someone until she noticed she wants something from that person. And I confirmed that we all have a fixed amount of will power, and we choose to spend that will power on the things we value. I rather spend that will power on learning than lavishly praise another person, maybe just for browny points. And I understand that there are people who choose to praise everybody, even though they won’t get anything in return. Perhaps that satisfactions of praising someone is the reward on its own for them.

I always know my father is stingy, beyond frugal. I always thought I’m not stingy, because I spend money on my wife and son much more than I spend money on myself. But perhaps being stingy is not all about money. I value my time on this world more than money. And spending time with people is not necessarily something I prefer. It may not be a bad thing to do, but it’s a lifestyle choice I made consciously.

But back to raising children. My wife asked if I could imagine seeing my son being successful in life is a good enough reward for me to spend time with him. That by being extra generous with my son, my wife is really invested in his future, without asking for anything in return. I don’t know if I can do that. Being trained in biology, I considered whether it’s a genetic thing. That by being a male, I tend to be less invested in one offspring, because I have the opportunity to spread my seed in multiple fields. Whereas for my wife, being a female, is more invested in a single offspring, because moms are evolutionarily the primary care giver for the offspring.

Just as always, the situations started out with I think I have a point, ended up being my wife is right, and I need to commit more family time to play with my son. And as she rightfully point out, even though I may still have 10 years to live with my son, he will soon realize that he doesn’t want to be around me any more. Probably wise to spend more time with him, until it’s too late. Or do I want one more of these devils. Ha ha ha …